Invasion of the Nordic Walkers

I am not exactly sure where Nordic walkers come from. I guess it is somewhere up near the North Pole. I can understand them wanting to leave the North Pole, particularly at this time of year when it has neither daylight nor warmth. However, a lot of them seemed to have come to my forest just outside Warsaw. This I cannot understand. You would think that if someone was trying to escape from the cold dark winter they would go somewhere like Australia where they could complain about the heat or even the South Pole which in January would be like summer in the North Pole. Instead they come to my forest where it is dark at 3.30PM and for the next few months will be pretty cold.

 

Nordic walkers in the forests of Warsaw.

Nordic walkers in the forests of Warsaw.

I have not yet seen a Nordic Walker with a dog so I guess they have left the dogs back in the North Pole. I very much hope they have someone looking after them.

The other thing I cannot understand about Nordic walkers is the sticks. Each of them has two sticks and they seem to make quite a bit of noise with them. However, they don’t seem to use the sticks for anything useful. They are pretty robust sticks and could easily be used for a game of fetch. Once when my pups and I met a group of Nordic people we tried to persuade them they could do this but they ignored us and went on their walk making far too much noise with their sticks.

An interesting observation is that on January 1st it looked like an entire Nordic city had moved into my forest while on January 2nd it was more like a town and it became a village the following date. There are now Nordic walkers from isolated dwellings. I guess this may have something to do with how humans approach New Year’s resolutions.

Happy New Year!

The intelligent dogs’ guide to New Year’s Eve parties!

It’s New Year’s Eve. All over the world people are planning to spend a night watching TV, darn a few socks and maybe get an early night.

Well maybe a few people in Greenland are planning that, the rest of the human race is planning to have a party and the purpose of this blog post is to help us dogs enjoy the party.

Good boy!

Try and find out early whether your people are having their party in your house or going out to celebrate the New Year. If the plan is to have a party in your house then be a very well behaved dog for at least all of New Year’s Eve. If something happened on the 30th and you were told you were in trouble for a very long time do not worry. Humans have short memories and are always optimistic that a couple of good hours are an indicator of a brighter future. If the party is being held elsewhere you can do what you like as you will be locked inside when they are enjoying themselves.

Inter-species French kissing is not something which all humans appreciate!

They seem to want you to kiss them but when you try and find that morsel of a snack hidden at the back of their teeth they are very likely to scream. They will usually say something about it being disgusting and “you wouldn’t know where that dog puts its mouth”. The problem may in fact be that they do know. Anyway a polite lick is as far as you should go unless you want to spend the party in the back yard. This is particularly important advice for puppies.

Noise Annoys!

It is obvious that dogs who have found themselves “invited” to a New Year’s Eve party could find themselves quickly uninvited if they start barking or attract too much attention. However, there is another problem with New Year’s Eve and that is fireworks. I think no dog has ever figured out why humans like these incredibly noisy horrible things. Even if a New Year’s Eve party only extends to three people, a stick of celery and a glass of water there will be fireworks. Wear ear muffs and stay indoors when the people are going “Whoosh” and “Gosh” in the garden.

Beware of dancing humans!

Dogs just lie on the floor, legs upwards and sort of the scratch their back in what used to be called a groovy fashion. Pretty simple.

Humans are different. They make things complicated. They insist on dancing to music and try to look good while dancing. It is also unbelievable how much amnesia helps human dance. The last time some of them danced would have been at a Christmas party. A week ago. Despite the fact they should remember how this went, they will get up again at the New Year’s Eve party.

Dogs, be warned.

When the opportunities arises eat, drink and be merry!

The one positive things about humans dancing is that if they all get up there could be an excellent opportunity to check the food possibilities. At some stage you will probably be caught devouring someone’s sandwiches but if you make sure you are not caught until late in the evening and not caught by one of your humans then you will probably get away with it.

Happy New Year!

New Year’s Resolutions

My mission, which I occasionally adhere to, is to explain the inexplicable. There is simply no explanation for many of the weird and wonderful things which humans do and the intelligent dog is better off not thinking too much about some of their strange habits. One of the strangest is that by January 3rd each year they will have broken the New Year’s resolution which they were claiming at midnight on the 31st would change their lives forever.

new-year

What happens is this. The end of December comes and it seems like a good idea to get fit, get rich or be a nicer person. They get very excited and very happy and the brilliant idea of walking their dog becomes taking up running and then on midnight on New Year’s Eve they have made a resolution that they would run a marathon by the end of the incoming year.

If they had simply made a promise to take us, their dogs, on longer more interesting walks we would have all been happy. If they had have made a promise to always have extra treats in their pockets for us dogs on these walks we would all be ecstatic. However, New Year’s Day arrives and they have made a solemn promise that this year they are doing a marathon. If they are in luck it will rain on January 1st and they will not have to wait until the 3rd to abandon their resolution but it is often a beautiful day and some of them will go for a run and some of those who ran on January 1st will also run on January 2nd.

January 3rd is a very special day for humans as the official day to abandon their future marathon runs, find our dog leads and bring us out for a walk.