Monthly Archives: December 2014

The intelligent dogs’ guide to New Year’s Eve parties!

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It’s New Year’s Eve. All over the world people are planning to spend a night watching TV, darn a few socks and maybe get an early night.

Well maybe a few people in Greenland are planning that, the rest of the human race is planning to have a party and the purpose of this blog post is to help us dogs enjoy the party.

Good boy!

Try and find out early whether your people are having their party in your house or going out to celebrate the New Year. If the plan is to have a party in your house then be a very well behaved dog for at least all of New Year’s Eve. If something happened on the 30th and you were told you were in trouble for a very long time do not worry. Humans have short memories and are always optimistic that a couple of good hours are an indicator of a brighter future. If the party is being held elsewhere you can do what you like as you will be locked inside when they are enjoying themselves.

Inter-species French kissing is not something which all humans appreciate!

They seem to want you to kiss them but when you try and find that morsel of a snack hidden at the back of their teeth they are very likely to scream. They will usually say something about it being disgusting and “you wouldn’t know where that dog puts its mouth”. The problem may in fact be that they do know. Anyway a polite lick is as far as you should go unless you want to spend the party in the back yard. This is particularly important advice for puppies.

Noise Annoys!

It is obvious that dogs who have found themselves “invited” to a New Year’s Eve party could find themselves quickly uninvited if they start barking or attract too much attention. However, there is another problem with New Year’s Eve and that is fireworks. I think no dog has ever figured out why humans like these incredibly noisy horrible things. Even if a New Year’s Eve party only extends to three people, a stick of celery and a glass of water there will be fireworks. Wear ear muffs and stay indoors when the people are going “Whoosh” and “Gosh” in the garden.

Beware of dancing humans!

Dogs just lie on the floor, legs upwards and sort of the scratch their back in what used to be called a groovy fashion. Pretty simple.

Humans are different. They make things complicated. They insist on dancing to music and try to look good while dancing. It is also unbelievable how much amnesia helps human dance. The last time some of them danced would have been at a Christmas party. A week ago. Despite the fact they should remember how this went, they will get up again at the New Year’s Eve party.

Dogs, be warned.

When the opportunities arises eat, drink and be merry!

The one positive things about humans dancing is that if they all get up there could be an excellent opportunity to check the food possibilities. At some stage you will probably be caught devouring someone’s sandwiches but if you make sure you are not caught until late in the evening and not caught by one of your humans then you will probably get away with it.

Happy New Year!

Cat’s rules for puppies!

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I know it is not a very Christmassy theme. Indeed, Sasza the cat told me I should write about this as far back as November. I even planned to do it then but every time I decided I would start writing the prospect of a walk, a treat or a snooze got in the way. What is a dog supposed to do against that sort of temptation?

Anyway, here is the blog post about this major problem.

Of course Sasza the cat loves the puppies but sometimes they are a bit too puppyish if you get my meaning. She has been telling me for some time that they need one or two basic rules which will ensures peace, harmony and most importantly a scratchless cat.

Rule 1 – What the cat says goes!

According to Sasza if dogs and in particular puppies were sensible enough to understand this basic rule the world with be a much more peaceful and beautiful place to live in.DSC_0160

Rule 2 – Four puppies should not attack one cat at the same time!

Obviously the need for rule 2 is because rule 1 has already been ignored by four very excited puppies who are rushing after the cat and doing their best to give her a little nip which in all this excitement may even be a medium or a big size nip.

Rule 3 – Four puppies should not work in cooperation with each other when attacking the cat at the same time!

Rule 3, according to Sasza gets to the very heart of the problem. If four puppies were simply chasing her then there would be an inconvenience rather than a problem. She could simply out-run or out-climb then and in a minute or two would be safe. However the puppies place two in front and two behind and with military planning worthy of Julius Caesar corner the cat. This most definitely is not allowed.

Rule 4 – The Giant Cat Heating Machine is for the cat!

Giant Cat Heating Machine

Giant Cat Heating Machine

People call it a fireplace and when lit it is very pleasant to lie in front of. Sasza calls it a Giant Cat Heating Machine and agrees that is very pleasant to lie in front of it when the fire has been lit but not so pleasant when four puppies have the same idea.

Rule 5 – If one of the staff is carrying the cat, puppies are not allowed to bite the cat’s tail even if it is within easy reach!

Sasza says that it is self-evident sometimes the cat needs to be carried from the place where she is snoozing to where she can eat and should not be disturbed during this process. Puppies on the other hand see a tail hanging down as an opportunity.

Rule 6 – The cat decides if it wants to play!

Sasza does like to play sometimes and at least once or twice a year will be in the mood where she will want to have some fun with the puppies. On these times it is permitted for an individual puppy to play with her and on special occasions maybe two puppies. However, these special occasions can end at any stage and then the puppy must stop playing and go into a corner and not disturb the cat.

Rule 7 – Puppies should follow rule 1!

Peaceful co-existence

Peaceful co-existence