I was sitting at home the other day in very good form as I often am. I started banging my tail against the floor. It struck me that the sound is not unlike the sound of some of that stuff that humans listen to from their CDs and radios. I have an idea and it is this. We could get a lot of dogs in a big room, preferably one of those rooms which makes a bark extra loud, and we could create The Tail Thumping Orchestra. There could be a few big Wolfhounds or St Bernard dogs doing the bass, the Collies and German Shepherd dogs could provide the beat and we, Corgis, would be the lead tail thumpers. Who knows we might even get some Cats in to provide harmonies.
I have even some ideas for the music The Tail Thumping Orchestra could play.
The Greeting – The idea here is to recreate the feeling when one of your humans is coming home. It would start with silence then a lone tail thumping softly. The lone tail would get strong and be joined by other tails and finally there would be a huge joyous crescendo of tails thumping widely.
Breakfast – This would start slowly but quickly get into the crescendo of banging tails before getting slower again.
Waiting for the Walk – This could be slightly longer and would have several highpoints where the dog thinks the walk is imminent only to get quieter as they realize it is not going to happen yet. There would then be a final highpoint signalling the door has opened.
Chasing the Cat – On second thoughts the section providing the harmonies might object to this.
I had not realised that Bonnie had any interest in my blog but the other day when we were out walking our humans she started asking me about it.
‘Rusty, all the dogs are saying that you are on the Internet’.
‘I have told you about my blog. It is for dogs and it explains humans to them.’
She wasn’t so interested in that. As far as Bonnie is concerned humans are humans. She really likes them but there is no way she would ever be seen reading a blog about them. However, something had clearly got her attention.
‘Do you get spam on your blog?’ she asked.
Now this is a touchy subject for bloggers, whether they are human or animal. Spam is a huge problem. Almost every comment wants to advertise some website selling something which no one wants. This is a particularly problem for a blog like mine which is aimed at dogs. All the spam is aimed at humans. I guess they are not interested in dogs because we don’t carry money.
‘The humans complain about spam too,’ said Bonnie. ‘I heard them say this is a huge problem. They get more spam than ordinary emails.’
Bonnie told me she was not sure what that meant and asked me whether there is a huge amount of spam on the internet. I told her there was. She started getting very excited, woofing and woffing, running up and down, jumping.
‘Come on. Let’s go!’ she yelped at me.
‘The Internet?’ said I.
‘Yeah, it’s obvious. The internet is full of spam. Everyone sees it as a big problem. Spam is some sort of tinned meat. You and I and maybe some other dogs can go on the internet and eat all this spam. We will have solved the big problem of too much spam and got a huge feed.’
Humans love sport. When they get together they talk about it all the time, their newspapers have pages and pages about sports and they watch it on TV more than anything else. There is one thing which dogs can never figure out about this human love of sport and it is this: If humans love sport as much as they claim how come they never play them?
I, like many dogs, study humans. How they ‘play sport’ seems to be very unusual. They do not get dressed in special sports clothes, put on the right shoes and run out on to a field. In fact they do something very different. They get themselves a drink, some popcorn, sit on a couch and ‘play sport’ by letting their eyes follow someone else kick a ball.
Bonnie has told me that the people who are actually playing the game could be anywhere in the world and all the humans sit in front of their television and watch them. I find this idea very difficult to believe. Imagine! Somewhere there is a little field with two gangs of humans playing sport and all across the world people are watching them on television and drinking their drinks and eating their popcorn. However, all my experience is that is what actually happens.
The human approach of ‘playing sport’ by letting your eyeballs following someone with their golf sticks or tennis rackets or kicking a ball explains something else. Many dogs have wondered how humans came to like the game of fetch so much. They are just throwing the sticks. It is the dogs who are running after it and competing against other dogs to win it and bring it back. However, the human is once again ‘playing sport’ the way they like to play it – with their eyeballs. They throw. They watch us dogs chase off together and try to win the stick. The winner then returns in triumph to the human with the stick and they can throw it again. I suspect they would like fetch even more if someone televised it and they could sit on their couch, drink their drink, eat their popcorn and watch someone else throw the sticks.
Our cat was in a bad mood. She is often in a bad mood. I guess this is one of the differences between dogs and cats. They go in for that moody stuff. We don’t. Today she was in a very bad mood. Usually Bonnie my Pembrokeshire Welsh Corgi sister can get her out of the bad mood. Bonnie really loves the cat and likes nothing more than having a good wrestle with her. Bonnie tried to get her to cheer by sneaking up behind her and jumping on her. The cat just went and hid. Usually a move like that will have an appropriate response from the cat. The cat is very expert at using both her paws to pinch Bonnie’s bottom.
So we asked her what was up. She said, ‘Rusty what’s all this blog stuff?’ ‘You mention all sort of things but leave out your family. I have seen blogs on Easter eggs, how to select a human, how to house train your human but nothing on your family. Not one single blog is on Bonnie or the beautiful Sasza.’
As you can see the beautiful Sasza got her way. This blog is about her.
As you can see from the photo she is a Pembrokeshire cat with an orange coat rather than a cardigan one like me. She is older than Bonnie or I. She has lived with Corgis all her life.
One of Sasza favourite hobbies is going for walks with us. This can be a bit embarrassing. We are walking down the street on our walk. As we pass each house the dog barks at us and we answer each bark with a tough no nonsense reply. Next thing, everyone hears the sweet little pussy cat shouting her little meows at us. This really cracks other dogs up. We might then chase her and she runs up a tree. Our pride slightly restored, we continue on our walk. Next thing she is behind us again and meowing so that every animal can hear. Bonnie loves this and can’t get enough of the cat. I would prefer a bit more respect from cats, particularly our cat.