5 New Year Corgi resolutions that will make 2016 successful!

You will have noticed that 2015 has not been my most prolific year as a blogger. I did post twice as well as on New Year’s Eve but since January I have been mainly napping.

However, the pups are now young adults, and it is now New Year’s Eve again so I am going to give you 5 New Year Corgi resolutions which will make 2016 an incredible year for you too.

1/ Win the lottery

I bet you never realized that you could do this! It is simple, you just buy a ticket, win and spend the money on your dogs. With all the money from the lottery you could live in a manner which cats believe is theirs by right.

The author resting between blog posts

The author resting between blog posts

2/ Kiss a frog

It has been known for hundreds, possibly thousands of years that some frogs are in fact handsome princesses or princes and they are waiting to be kissed so they can return to their true form and grant you your heart’s desire. So why don’t you kiss one and see what happens? 2016 will be very successful if your frog turns into a sizzling steak or a big bone.

3/ Trade your cow for 5 beans

This is something else which everyone knows about and no-one actually does. You take your cow to the market, find a suspicious looking stranger and trade the cow for 5 beans. When you come home you have a big argument with your mother who throws the beans in the garden. Next day there is huge beanstalk growing there. Climb to the top, steal the bones and bacon from the giant, escape back down and chop the beanstalk before the giant has time to capture and eat you.

4/ Get a Human (or dog if you are human)

Humans have a lot going for them. They supply you with food, belly rubs, and let you bring them on walks. All dogs should have at least one!

If you are human, reading this and you have not got a dog, get at least one. You will be able to afford it with all the money you got from winning the lottery.

5/ Write a best-selling novel

Apparently it is not so hard to write a brilliant novel or a blog (if you are not a patient type of Corgi). The hard part is turning it into a best-selling one. However, with our brains and charm and a lot of pictures of cute Corgi dogs it should not be too difficult and the Corgi Nation are sure to appreciate it.

Happy New Year!

The intelligent dogs’ guide to New Year’s Eve parties!

It’s New Year’s Eve. All over the world people are planning to spend a night watching TV, darn a few socks and maybe get an early night.

Well maybe a few people in Greenland are planning that, the rest of the human race is planning to have a party and the purpose of this blog post is to help us dogs enjoy the party.

Good boy!

Try and find out early whether your people are having their party in your house or going out to celebrate the New Year. If the plan is to have a party in your house then be a very well behaved dog for at least all of New Year’s Eve. If something happened on the 30th and you were told you were in trouble for a very long time do not worry. Humans have short memories and are always optimistic that a couple of good hours are an indicator of a brighter future. If the party is being held elsewhere you can do what you like as you will be locked inside when they are enjoying themselves.

Inter-species French kissing is not something which all humans appreciate!

They seem to want you to kiss them but when you try and find that morsel of a snack hidden at the back of their teeth they are very likely to scream. They will usually say something about it being disgusting and “you wouldn’t know where that dog puts its mouth”. The problem may in fact be that they do know. Anyway a polite lick is as far as you should go unless you want to spend the party in the back yard. This is particularly important advice for puppies.

Noise Annoys!

It is obvious that dogs who have found themselves “invited” to a New Year’s Eve party could find themselves quickly uninvited if they start barking or attract too much attention. However, there is another problem with New Year’s Eve and that is fireworks. I think no dog has ever figured out why humans like these incredibly noisy horrible things. Even if a New Year’s Eve party only extends to three people, a stick of celery and a glass of water there will be fireworks. Wear ear muffs and stay indoors when the people are going “Whoosh” and “Gosh” in the garden.

Beware of dancing humans!

Dogs just lie on the floor, legs upwards and sort of the scratch their back in what used to be called a groovy fashion. Pretty simple.

Humans are different. They make things complicated. They insist on dancing to music and try to look good while dancing. It is also unbelievable how much amnesia helps human dance. The last time some of them danced would have been at a Christmas party. A week ago. Despite the fact they should remember how this went, they will get up again at the New Year’s Eve party.

Dogs, be warned.

When the opportunities arises eat, drink and be merry!

The one positive things about humans dancing is that if they all get up there could be an excellent opportunity to check the food possibilities. At some stage you will probably be caught devouring someone’s sandwiches but if you make sure you are not caught until late in the evening and not caught by one of your humans then you will probably get away with it.

Happy New Year!

Cat’s rules for puppies!

I know it is not a very Christmassy theme. Indeed, Sasza the cat told me I should write about this as far back as November. I even planned to do it then but every time I decided I would start writing the prospect of a walk, a treat or a snooze got in the way. What is a dog supposed to do against that sort of temptation?

Anyway, here is the blog post about this major problem.

Of course Sasza the cat loves the puppies but sometimes they are a bit too puppyish if you get my meaning. She has been telling me for some time that they need one or two basic rules which will ensures peace, harmony and most importantly a scratchless cat.

Rule 1 – What the cat says goes!

According to Sasza if dogs and in particular puppies were sensible enough to understand this basic rule the world with be a much more peaceful and beautiful place to live in.DSC_0160

Rule 2 – Four puppies should not attack one cat at the same time!

Obviously the need for rule 2 is because rule 1 has already been ignored by four very excited puppies who are rushing after the cat and doing their best to give her a little nip which in all this excitement may even be a medium or a big size nip.

Rule 3 – Four puppies should not work in cooperation with each other when attacking the cat at the same time!

Rule 3, according to Sasza gets to the very heart of the problem. If four puppies were simply chasing her then there would be an inconvenience rather than a problem. She could simply out-run or out-climb then and in a minute or two would be safe. However the puppies place two in front and two behind and with military planning worthy of Julius Caesar corner the cat. This most definitely is not allowed.

Rule 4 – The Giant Cat Heating Machine is for the cat!

Giant Cat Heating Machine

Giant Cat Heating Machine

People call it a fireplace and when lit it is very pleasant to lie in front of. Sasza calls it a Giant Cat Heating Machine and agrees that is very pleasant to lie in front of it when the fire has been lit but not so pleasant when four puppies have the same idea.

Rule 5 – If one of the staff is carrying the cat, puppies are not allowed to bite the cat’s tail even if it is within easy reach!

Sasza says that it is self-evident sometimes the cat needs to be carried from the place where she is snoozing to where she can eat and should not be disturbed during this process. Puppies on the other hand see a tail hanging down as an opportunity.

Rule 6 – The cat decides if it wants to play!

Sasza does like to play sometimes and at least once or twice a year will be in the mood where she will want to have some fun with the puppies. On these times it is permitted for an individual puppy to play with her and on special occasions maybe two puppies. However, these special occasions can end at any stage and then the puppy must stop playing and go into a corner and not disturb the cat.

Rule 7 – Puppies should follow rule 1!

Peaceful co-existence

Peaceful co-existence

Selfies for Puppies

Everything happens much faster in a dog’s life than a human’s. I am three years old and the mother of nine wonderful puppies, six of which are still living with us. Older dogs like older humans lose touch with the latest fashions. I like a nice atmospheric photograph that took someone time and energy to compose and get just right. The photographer should have to do some work to get the perfect picture.

Self-portrait by Alex

Self-portrait by Alex

The puppies on the other hand like selfies.

Like may be too weak a word. They love selfies! The idea that they can take a picture of themselves, share with everybody, talk about how good they look and then forgot they ever took the picture is something which really appeals to them.

Some puppies are not aware how easy it is to take a selfie so my kids have suggested I write about it in my blog.

Self-portrait by Amber

Self-portrait by Amber

The first thing to know about is the equipment. You need one of those smart phones which allows you to photograph yourself while at the same time look at what you are photographing. It is also extremely important to have a touch screen.

Next the puppy needs to get themselves positioned. A human is really useful for this. The puppy can sit on their lap as they position the phone. If the puppy is bored they can even give their minder a friendly nip.

Self-portrait by Aisha

Self-portrait by Aisha

It is also possible to take pictures with the phone on the ground and the puppy looking down at it.

By now you are wondering how exactly a puppy can take a selfie. Well wonder no more. When the puppy is ready for the photo they simply hit the screen with their nose and hey presto! A selfie! I hope you enjoy the selfies which my kids have done and illustrate this page.

Self-portrait by Aiden

Self-portrait by Aiden

The Puppy Diaries #3 – Big Bellies

When they turned up first they moved about with great difficulty and looked very fragile. One of my people used to help me make sure I was feeding them all. It was hard work looking after these little puppies. They seemed to just sleep and feed, or feed and sleep, all the time. Of course they did not neglect their toilet, but even then I had to encourage them. They knew the smell of the other pups and of me and that was their world.

Looking after the Puppies in the garden

Looking after the Puppies in the garden

Then they grew a bit. They got more hair. They seemed to move more and still they fed and slept, slept and fed.

When we all visited the Vet after two weeks he wanted me to start weaning the puppies. He suggested getting them some very nice steak and mincing it so it became puppy friendly food. Bonnie and I were perfectly willing to help them eat this but they seemed to get the hang of it immediately and started getting very fond of this food.

Puppies exploring

Puppies exploring

It is now five weeks since they were born they have started getting bigger bellies and doing lots more than sleep and feed. They sleep, they feed, they have a big play fight, they poop in the strangest of places. They usually like to show me, Bonnie or one of the people the poop and ask us to admire it. The people are not so good at showing their admiration here. They are getting bigger, they roll around, they play, they explore and they sleep and feed.

An Intelligent Dog’s Guide to Business

My people were amused at first when I told them I was going to write a blog post giving advice to entrepreneurs. The idea of Cardigan Welsh Corgi, albeit a very good looking and clever Cardigan Welsh Corgi, giving advice to business people tickled them quite a lot. They then thought about it some more and took a very uncooperative view of my idea.

“Rusty, you can’t tell business people that they should sniff each other’s butts!”, they said in that alarmed pitch they use to offer each other valuable but unwanted criticism. With that my 8 tips for business people became 7 tips.

“It is hardly a good idea to tell them that if they hear an unusual noise they should bark like hell!” Again this was said that voice that was several pitches too high and my 7 tips became 6.

At the point I decided to end the consultation exercise and just start working on advice which a dog like me can offer to business people like you. I hope find it more valuable than my people thought you would.

# 1 – Love who you are

You may be the next Steve Jobs or Bill Gates. If so, that is great, stop reading this and hurry up and change the world. However you may not be the next Steve Jobs or Bill Gates and you may want to be. Well you are not them. Dogs do not spend their time thinking wouldn’t it be great to be one of the corgis living in Buckingham Palace or the Governor’s mansion in California. Well maybe occasionally we do, but most of the time we know exactly who we are and really like being that dog.

Look in the mirror and focus on the person in front of you. This is you and you are important and creative. Look at your company and what it actually does. You should love who you are and who your company is, always wanting to improve and trying to achieve more but never becoming totally unrealistic. You can imagine what it is like to have an IPO like Netscape or Facebook but you should spend far time thinking about what you and your company is going to. You should be pleased with what you are doing. You should love who you are and what you do.

# 2 – Love the hand that feeds

This is one of the big doggie things. You just have to come home after a hard day at work and the greeting you will get from your dog shows how much they love you. Among other things you are the hand that feeds and dogs love the hand that feeds. For a business, customer are the hand that feeds. You may not always agree with your customers, sometime you may not even like them and other times you might feel that they have to be “educated” so that they appreciate what you are offering. However, you should always love them. You should want to improve their lives, want to make them better users of your products, want to improve what you sell so that they get a better deal. It is a very healthy state if the head of a business is slightly obsessive about their customers and how their company can make things better for their customers.

bonnie-car

# 3 – Defend your territory

There are rules which every dog knows and every dog follows. Another dog cannot just walk into your territory without being challenged. If two dogs meet on a neutral ground there is no issue. A dog instinctively know whether territory should be defended or whether there is no threat. Business should know this too. A customer of yours may be asking a lot of questions to improve their business. This is fine. However, they may be asking questions so that they can launch a competing product. This is not fine. You need to develop dog-like instinct to know when to cooperate and when to defend. These days defending your territory can be pretty hard for a business. It is an unfortunate fact of life that if you bark your head off your competitor will not go away with its tail between its legs. You need to develop smart ways to defend your territory. If your competitor has made a mistake, take advantage of it. They will do the same so be careful about giving ammunition to the enemy.

# 4 – Sniff everything first

Dogs understand the need to act fast if an opportunity arises. If the people are eating at the table and something accidently drops most dogs will clear this off the floor very quickly. However, there are also times when a dog decides too fast to eat something and gets into problems. My advice to dogs is always to sniff first. My advice to humans is the same. Act quickly and decisively but always sniff first so you know there is every probability you are making the right decision. If you spend too long thinking your competitor will get there first. You need to sniff first and not commission PhD research.

canstockphoto13072377

# 5 – Know when to stop chasing your tail

Rushing round in circles chasing your tail is actually quite enjoyable. Most dogs know this. However, if anyone sees you doing it they think you’re crazy and it achieves absolutely nothing. Humans also do a lot of chasing their own tails in business. They see an idea, run after it, forget about it for a bit, get the same idea again and run after it again. There are many thing we would love to be able to do but cant. A dog would love to be able to catch its own tail and can chase it for hours. Business too can have some goal they are not going to achieve and it would be far better to stop. There is a time to stop chasing your own tail. That time is as soon as you realize you are doing it.

# 6 – Understand the pack

The pack is the natural group for a dog. Even with a small number of dogs, each dog knows its place in the hierarchy. Dogs also see their families as a pack and like to know the hierarchy. They also do not like so much change in the pack. Many companies are very similar to a pack. If you are the CEO of a business you are similar to a pack leader. Some people think the leader in a wolf or dog pack is just the toughest. This is not true. They also have to look out for the rest of the pack. They have to lead. If you are the CEO of your company. You have to understand your company, your pack. You have to look after your pack and you have to lead it.

The Fine Art of Stealing Sandwiches

Rusty has already told you that we will be moving home pretty soon. We can’t wait as we will have a really big garden for Rusty, me and Sasza the cat. The cat does not know much about it yet although our people have shown her the house once or twice. However, they have not let her run around the garden yet and when the three of us are going crazy chasing each other that is when she will really like it.

There are many important things to think about when your family is building a new house. The people have to spend ages checking that everything is OK and there is enough money to pay for everything and all that sort of thing.

One thing which I believe is particularly important is builder’s sandwiches. These can be exceptionally tasty. Builders usually do pretty hard work and need a good feed so often bring really great sandwiches.

The approach of most dogs to the issue of builder’s sandwiches would be to make friends with the builder and hang around when they are eating expecting some of the sandwich to come your way. My research, and indeed the research of Rusty, indicates that this is not the best approach. It is not that they are mean and do not want to share they just get very hungry working away and end up eating the whole lot before they even notice the dog looking up at them.

You should obviously make friends with the builder. They are much less likely to report you to the proper authorities for sandwich theft if you regularly let them pet you or look excited when you see them. You should also try not to steal from the same builder all the time. This can lead to trouble.

DSC_0018

There are several places where builders put there sandwiches when they arrive. In our new house they often leave them on the third or fourth stair. This is perfect. You can easily snatch, run and eat with the minimum of fuss and maximum of satisfaction.

One final point on this rewarding hobby is you should never steal the sandwiches just before lunch-time. If you steal the sandwiches by 11 AM they will have plenty of time to get more before their lunch and then everybody is happy.

Moving Home

In a couple of months Bonnie, myself, our cat Sasza and our humans will be moving to our new home. Bonnie and I have been there a lot as we have had to check progress on how the house was being built. We currently have a small garden and in the new house will have a very big garden. This makes me very happy.

As you probably know from my blog I can be a bit of worrier from time to time. Everything seems to be fine with the new house. The humans talk a lot about something called money. Bonnie though that this was what the house is built of but I understand it is something which humans get for staring at computer screens from companies such as Solitaire Corporation. They then use this to buy dog food, cat food and other stuff like the stuff which is used to build houses. I will let the humans worry about this. My worry is about moving the cat.

Our new house is actually two houses. There is a big house and a garage with a flat on top. There is already one of our humans living there. On two occasions Sasza has been brought there. She hid under the bed for most of the time. This seems to be typical behaviour for a cat.

 

Giant Cat Heating Machine

Giant Cat Heating Machine

In the middle of the room there is a machine where humans burn wood and other stuff. This machine gives off heat into the room and it seems to be a very clever device. Sasza has informed Bonnie and I that this a “Giant Cat Warming Machine”. She says that this is a very good thing. Bonnie told us that there is an even bigger “Giant Cat Warming Machine” in the big house. Sasza may have been very pleased to hear this but she is a cat and pretends to be cool about everything. She just said OK. I think she will like this new house with its “Giant Cat Warming Machine” and I am bit less worried about the move.

Sport

Humans love sport. When they get together they talk about it all the time, their newspapers have pages and pages about sports and they watch it on TV more than anything else.  There is one thing which dogs can never figure out about this human love of sport and it is this: If humans love sport as much as they claim how come they never play them?

I, like many dogs, study humans. How they ‘play sport’ seems to be very unusual. They do not get dressed in special sports clothes, put on the right shoes and run out on to a field. In fact they do something very different. They get themselves a drink, some popcorn, sit on a couch and ‘play sport’ by letting their eyes follow someone else kick a ball.

Bonnie has told me that the people who are actually playing the game could be anywhere in the world and all the humans sit in front of their television and watch them. I find this idea very difficult to believe. Imagine! Somewhere there is a little field with two gangs of humans playing sport and all across the world people are watching them on television and drinking their drinks and eating their popcorn. However, all my experience is that is what actually happens.

The human approach of ‘playing sport’ by letting your eyeballs following someone with their golf sticks or tennis rackets or kicking a ball explains something else. Many dogs have wondered how humans came to like the game of fetch so much. They are just throwing the sticks. It is the dogs who are running after it and competing against other dogs to win it and bring it back. However, the human is once again ‘playing sport’ the way they like to play it – with their eyeballs. They throw. They watch us dogs chase off together and try to win the stick. The winner then returns in triumph to the human with the stick and they can throw it again. I suspect they would like fetch even more if someone televised it and they could sit on their couch, drink their drink, eat their popcorn and watch someone else throw the sticks.